"I WISH I KNEW HOW TO QUIT YOU"

Why are you so good? My love for you is EXACTLY like Jack's and Ennis' in Brokeback Mountain: our affair has endured years, other cities, the strange looks of my parents and friends, and you make me do things I never thought I'd do, like wake up after 2 hours of sleep.

The only way I know how to give you up is cold turkey, and your green-tea replacement, while "healthy" and "hetero-normal," is just not as satisfying. I love you in my mouth, Coffee. Even though you make my breath smell bad, and you stain my teeth, I love you in my mouth. I love the way you smell; I want to dab you on my pulse points like perfume. I love you cold with lots of cream. I love you with a scoop of Breyer's in you. I love you French Pressed, I love you Instant. I love you in the morning, first thing, and I love you at night, before I go to bed. I love the sound my spoon makes as it digs into your cool grinds. I love you, Coffee...Let's never break up.