SEMANTICS

What's your definition of a salad? I'm going to be presumptuous here and answer for you: I'd say you'd say, at its most basic level, a salad probably includes some sort of lettuce leaf (perhaps two or three varieties), carrots, cucumbers, tomato, mushrooms, and maybe -- maybe -- olives or cheese. Not too fancy, but certainly perfunctory. It makes the salad category at the very least.

So with that in mind, here is the ingredient list of my $4.95 Chicken Salad from Mama Familigia (home of New Yorker's Favorite Pizza*):

4 oz. of chopped Romaine lettuce.
18 oz. of soggy croutons.
12 oz. of soggy breaded chicken.
1 measly sprinkle of parmesan cheese.
3 dibble dabbles of cheap balsamic vinegar.

Guess what, Mama Familigia? YOUR DAYS ARE NUMBERED! Your Mama's so BAD AT MAKING SALAD I think she's a F*&$ing C$&*!








*According to the sign on the door. That sign is a lie. Everything about you is a lie, Mama Familigia. You probably don't even have a mother, because no woman would let you get away with the fraud that you pulled today. You're lucky I don't know the number to the Better Business Bureau and/or that I'm too lazy to look it up!