WHOLE FOOLS

Whole Foods' salad bar now costs $7.99/pound. That is Re-tar-tar, Whole Foods! More Re-tar-tar than the pun that titles this entry!

And don't think that I don't notice that most of your composed salads are super-heavy, sopped with dressings to add weight (and, yes, flavor!). That's right: nothing gets by me!

And your signs? The ones that say "NO NIBBLING!"? Hey, guess what, Whole Foods: I don't need to be condescended to...especially as you're victimizing my wallet with your sloppy-sauced salads. No nibbling! I will goddamn nibble if I want to! Maybe not pre-purchased chicken provencal salad, perhaps instead the nibbling will be upon my own cuticles, but you can't stop me!

Disdainfully Yours,
Stingy McBleedyfingers