I WANT TO EAT YOU LIKE AN ANIMAL

Ever get so hungry that you just lose your mind?

I do.

ALL THE TIME!

Today I was in a "sound mix," which is a very expensive means for me to get a free lunch. Basically, when you produce a promo, which is what I've been doing for LOGO, you get to go to a very fancy sound studio and have an engineer make the promo sound perfect. The dude (sound engineers are ALWAYS dudes) adds bells and whistles (sometimes literally), and I sit there surfing the internet, telling him what sounds good, and eating the lunch that the studio is required to let me order.

This particular studio had a 10" binder filled with menus, but I always take the suggestion of the "locals," because they know what's good. The dude recommended Thai, so I took him up on it. I got to order without worrying about price because, again, it's totally FREE! So I got a spicy vegetable soup (for my cold), and the LARGE duck salad. Now normally I would get the GOLD-LEAF CHICKEN CURRY OVER DIAMOND-STUDDED RICE, but I was genuinely trying to be healthy, so I really didn't bilk the studio as much as I could have. I'm sure NO ONE cared.

We ordered at 1:30pm, and my session was over at 2pm. I have to say that by the time my food arrived at 1:50pm, I was not only highly anxious, with a nervous sweat beading underneath my chestal lady-parts, but INCOHERENTLY HUNGRY. And I like to be polite in front of strangers, but I threw all social propriety away and ripped into my soup and salad like a certain olde timey rapist by the name of Jack used to rip into ladies. I was shoving delicious chewy/fatty duck meat into my mouth like a certain olde timey shover by the name of Jack used to shove ladies. I was cramming salad like...you get it: a professional crammer.

And I think I scared the dude. I mean, I'm not an imposing figure, but this sound engineer put all his appendages away and took his spring rolls off my desk. "You can try one..." he said, as he slinked out the room with his food. I never saw him again.