Wednesday, March 22, 2006

THE SADDEST LUNCH IN AMERICA

I probably deserved what I got; one should be wary when forced to order by number.

Today's L6 Lunch Special from Saigon 48 was only $5.75, but eating on the cheap is starting to make me feel really, really cheap.

My Sauteed Chicken with Mixed Vegetables, Extra Spicy, was just about the most depressed meal I've ever eaten. It came with a "free," unexpected spring roll which made me WAY TOO prematurely excited. I set my expectations WAY TOO HIGH for this freebie, because once it hit my mouth I knew EXACTLY why it was free. All the life had been sucked out of this spring roll! It was dry and devoid of anything resembling freshness or flavor. Saigon 48 basically wrapped up some garbage, flash-fried it THREE DAYS AGO and surreptitously added it to my lunch order today, FORCING me to eat the WHOLE THING because it was FREE and also it was (barely) FOOD. This "spring roll" clearly wanted to commit suicide, and its mission was accomplished inside my mouth.

That should have been enough to put me off the rest of my meal, but being the optimist (read: bonehead) that I am, I forthwith made for my entree. Oh, has there ever been a sadder looking sautee? I suppose the flattened and dejected beige chicken parts doing the dead-man's float in oil-sauce were white meat, but I am honestly not sure what part of what chicken they came from. The only word I can think to accurately describe this meat is FLACCID. It was very FLACCID chicken. Or should I say FLACCID "chicken"? I have a hard time imagining this flaccid flesh EVER belonged to ANYTHING that once was alive and pulsing with energy and blood.

And the vegetables were no better. The only thing the broccoli and button mushrooms and single zig-zag carrot cut-out needed were tiny pairs of black Nike sneakers as further evidence that they had all drunk poison Kool-Aid in a bid to enter some divine kingdom. These veggie corpses DID enter a divine kingdom, but it was my mouth, and the journey was not nearly sublime.

At least the brown rice I ordered was actually brown and actually rice and almost palatable.

Oh lunch! Why didn't you just ask for help? I would have been there for you...I would have told you all the ways to cope and hope and believe. It's too late for you, lunch, and I'm sad for that. It's sadder still that I will go on without you, and forget you were ever a part of my life.

5 Comments:

Blogger garin said...

we had mre's for lunch today!!! "the superbestfriends"

3:24 PM  
Blogger oakleyses said...

nike free, oakley sunglasses, polo outlet, tory burch outlet, louboutin pas cher, kate spade outlet, longchamp outlet, sac longchamp pas cher, jordan pas cher, replica handbags, nike roshe, nike air max, cheap oakley sunglasses, ray ban sunglasses, gucci handbags, christian louboutin outlet, prada handbags, kate spade, longchamp outlet, replica watches, ray ban sunglasses, polo ralph lauren outlet online, nike air max, nike free run, burberry pas cher, chanel handbags, michael kors pas cher, longchamp outlet, oakley sunglasses, air max, coach outlet, oakley sunglasses, christian louboutin, longchamp pas cher, louis vuitton outlet, ray ban sunglasses, replica watches, prada outlet, uggs on sale, ugg boots, polo ralph lauren, coach outlet store online, tiffany and co, christian louboutin uk, ugg boots, nike outlet, jordan shoes, tiffany jewelry, christian louboutin shoes

11:12 PM  
Blogger oakleyses said...

ray ban uk, true religion jeans, michael kors outlet online, nike tn, converse pas cher, coach purses, true religion outlet, nike huaraches, polo lacoste, mulberry uk, ralph lauren uk, sac hermes, nike air max, nike air max uk, hollister pas cher, nike air force, michael kors, michael kors outlet online, nike air max uk, nike trainers uk, uggs outlet, longchamp uk, burberry outlet, nike roshe run uk, guess pas cher, oakley pas cher, michael kors outlet online, ray ban pas cher, michael kors outlet, michael kors, nike blazer pas cher, true religion outlet, new balance, hogan outlet, burberry handbags, uggs outlet, hollister, timberland pas cher, sac vanessa bruno, vans pas cher, true religion outlet, michael kors outlet online, north face, michael kors outlet, lululemon canada, hollister uk, north face uk, abercrombie and fitch uk, michael kors outlet

11:18 PM  
Blogger oakleyses said...

soccer jerseys, converse outlet, north face outlet, celine handbags, mont blanc pens, toms shoes, wedding dresses, bottega veneta, beats by dre, ghd hair, vans, gucci, hollister clothing, mcm handbags, ralph lauren, instyler, north face outlet, babyliss, jimmy choo outlet, valentino shoes, abercrombie and fitch, nike air max, vans outlet, supra shoes, karen millen uk, converse, chi flat iron, reebok outlet, herve leger, juicy couture outlet, p90x workout, timberland boots, montre pas cher, nike air max, insanity workout, hollister, ray ban, oakley, baseball bats, hermes belt, lancel, nike roshe run, mac cosmetics, asics running shoes, louboutin, juicy couture outlet, new balance shoes, ferragamo shoes, nfl jerseys, soccer shoes

11:20 PM  
Blogger oakleyses said...

louis vuitton, wedding dresses, links of london, swarovski, hollister, pandora uk, moncler, doudoune moncler, coach outlet, moncler outlet, canada goose outlet, louis vuitton, canada goose, canada goose, pandora charms, ugg pas cher, canada goose outlet, moncler, replica watches, pandora jewelry, ugg,uggs,uggs canada, pandora jewelry, moncler, moncler uk, marc jacobs, canada goose outlet, moncler, louis vuitton, thomas sabo, louis vuitton, ugg, canada goose jackets, ugg,ugg australia,ugg italia, swarovski crystal, louis vuitton, canada goose, canada goose uk, ugg uk, moncler outlet

11:23 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home