THE PRINCE OF TIDES

Look, I've seen this movie, and I don't like it, but Barbara Streisand has a line in the film that has become my mantra. I know, GROSS, my mantra is lifted from The Prince of Tides: total EW!

But here it is: "Just because I don't know how to cook, doesn't mean I don't know how to eat."

Forgive the line its double negatives (HORRIBLE MOVIE = HORRIBLE SYNTAX), and understand that it perfectly describes me.

I am a TERRIBLE cook!
But I am a WONDERFUL eater!

I do want to be a better cook, though, and last night, I had the opportunity to improve my lack-of-talents in the kitchen when MY DINNER DATE CANCELLED ON ME!

Just because I DON'T KNOW HOW TO KEEP A MAN'S INTEREST doesn't mean I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BE INTERESTED IN MEN. Or something like that.

So instead of romance I did the next best thing: I went to Becca and Jed's apartment on the Upper West Side. They are married and have a REAL apartment and a REAL relationship and a REAL deep fat fryer. Their friend Matt was there and he was a REAL go-getter type who became the impetus for us to buy some organic chicken (Murray's -- THE BEST), sweet potatoes, salad, Pilsbury biscuits, and Budweiser. A lot of Budweiser.

The gents did the shopping and the ladies did the cooking. And it was....FUN! I really enjoyed cooking, and I wasn't half-bad at it. I did burn my thumb on some steam from opening the amazing deep fat fryer, but I told no one because Becca was already nervous every time I approached the fryer, and I didn't want her to feel justified in her emotional choice.

I don't want to sound conceited, but our fried chicken was 100% delicious! We fried drumsticks and thighs, and the skin was perfectly crisp and seasoned. Until last night, I hadn't had fried chicken in YEARS, let alone HOMEMADE fried chicken! It was awesome! We made sweet potato french fries that were also SO DELICIOUS that they were consumed within two minutes of leaving the fryer...and we made A LOT of fries. The biscuits, despite being from a pre-made mix that came in a soft aluminum/cardboard can, were incredible. I put honey on everything -- so good!

The best part of eating at Becca and Jed's, though, is that they forget that they're civilized people and that cutlery's been invented, so they use GOD'S CUTLERY (their hands) making the meal even MORE fun (and disease-ridden).

It was a great night, borne out of great disappointment.

Hey: just because I don't have a dinner date doesn't mean I don't know how to have dinner.