DINSDAG IN UTRECHT

So today was a little better in that I didn't dry-heave once! But also: I didn't really eat Dutch food.

My brother took me on a day trip to Utrecht, a town that exemplifies charm. A canal runs through it, dividing the cobblestone streets into two sides of Olde Worlde Dutch architecture and shops. And hey, I like charm and shopping, but did you know that I'm In It To Win It? I don't care what Utrecht looks like: what does Utrecht TASTE like?

We didn't even leave the train station before buying the ubiquitious stroopwafel, which cost a single euro and tasted pretty a-ok.


I mean, it's a carmelized, buttery, very thin disk, and honestly not more than that. I liked it, but I didn't Like It Like It. Like, I'm not asking the stroopwafel to the prom or anything, but hey, if the stroopwafel wants to hook up with me occasionally, no strings attached, I'm cool with that.

Our other Utrecht tastum was a large serving of street fries from a vendor called The Manneken Pis. Now I knew the Manneken Pis is a famous Belgian statue of a little boy draining his little lizard, but I didn't know that it is also the mascot for some DELICIOUS frites. Close friends and relatives won't be surprised to hear that I have a bit of a French Fry Problem, in that I love them and will never resist an opportunity to eat them. The Manneken Pis small serving that I ordered, with special satay sauce, solved my Problem beautifully.



These fries would have been a real compliment to Dutch cuisine...had they not been Belgian.

When we got back to Den Haag I was hungry...AGAIN! When in Rome, do as the Romans do, but when in The Netherlands, eat Greek. Honestly, the chicken souvlaki pita I had, with its generous smear of garlicky tzaziki and abundant fresh salad, was tops. It was aces. It was...not Dutch food.

So I think I'm starting to get it. There is only ONE kind of food the Dutch are famous for, and that's MIND food. FINE! I! GIVE! IN! You made me do it, you Gouda-loving, clog-wearing, windmill-building, tulip-planting, pot-heads! I'll smoke your damn mind-food. I will put that Thai Skunk in my mouth and walk around like a toasted out spaz contemplating not IF God is benevolent but ALL the ways He demonstrates his good will!

Pass that Dutch. HARUMPH!