Wednesday, April 11, 2007


A long time ago I christened the street I live on Rat Alley because it was infested with rats and every night that I'd walk up the stairs to my apartment was like walking through the G.D. Secret of NIMH. Eventually I made a silent pact with the rats that if they'd leave me alone as I walked down the street then I'd leave them alone and refrain from yelping/hootin'/hollerin'/shrieking. It seemed to work, and they ceased to bother me.

Until last night when, late past midnight, I caught about five rats FEASTING ON A HUMAN TURD three steps in front of my building's stairs. I have never seen even a single rat eat shit, but last night plural rats were chowing down on an ENORMOUS pile of non-canine FECES like so many midwesterners at a Las Vegas buffet. "Come on, guys," I said, "you're better than that."

I can't help but feel they were putting on a final performance for me, as I am moving soon. If so: good show, ol' sports! Good show, indeed.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

even though this is not turd,rat or moving related I bought your shirt last week and I was not able to have my friend drop it off so I sent it to the UCB c/o you..I hope this is okay and I hope you like the shirt.

p.s. congrats on your new place too!

4:05 PM  
Anonymous five rats said...

Yeah, you figured us out. We were just putting on a special performance for you. Then again, we got to eat a giant turd. Enjoy your new place. We'll miss you down here. Bon voyage!

2:36 PM  
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