IRREFUTABLE PROOF

For lunch today I deliberately purchased a tuna salad (made with LIGHT mayo), whole wheat bread sandwich, wrapped in cellophane, for four dollars and ninety-nine cents.

I washed it down with NOTHING.
I am now craving RED JELLO.

Also: my shoulder feels arthritic because I slept on it wrong.
Plus: this morning when I took out the trash and caught a whiff I said, aloud, "Feh!"

And so: I am a 90-year-old woman.