Thursday, February 15, 2007

RALPH

You know what really makes me sick to my stomach? This isn't a rhetorical question; I'm gonna answer right now. And, oooh, bonus: there are MULTIPLE answers!

First, and most explicitely: VIRUSES. I am loathe to blog about That Which Exits My Cake-Hole Involuntarily, but not so loathe that I will refrain from doing it. And, I figure: if I'm going to write about what goes INTO my mouth, well, I might as well write about what comes OUT of it. Explosively. In chunks.

PUKE! I hate it! I hate it so much! But I had a big ol' bout of the pukes earlier this week because I caught the stomach virus that's been going around. Catching it confirmed, once again, that my belief that I WOULD have survived the Holocaust (through sheer determination and invented wiles) is patently wrong. And offensive. In fact, after my first Shout At The Toilet (which was actually a sour, wet, chunky Shout Into The Wastebasket beside my bed), I'm convinced that had I ended up in Dachau I would have died IMMEDIATELY. I can't take digestive sickness; it makes me want to Give Up.

I'm finally On The Mend after a 36-hour endurance trial of sleeping, sweating, and puking. I did feel bad for myself, but when I finally started to feel better I was kind of proud of myself for having Made It. On second thought, Maybe I WOULD HAVE survived!

Okay, the other thing that turns my stomach is my roommate's boyfriend. He lives two blocks away, ALONE, but HE IS ALWAYS OVER. And: HE NEVER STOPS TALKING. And: HE IS VERY LOUD. My roommate is lovely; I just don't love her taste in men. I wish I could say to her, Sweety, just 'cause something has muscles doesn't mean you should let it inside your life. Or apartment. Or vagina.

But I can't. So I won't.
Oh, my big mouth: some things hurt coming out; some things hurt to keep inside.

3 Comments:

Blogger Keir said...

Hey Meg, now that you're not puking your guts out can you please post something up in this place that's not about vomit, death camps, and your roommate's hoohaa?

8:06 PM  
Blogger Kate said...

AGH UPDATE PLEASE!!!!


(i have no life)

10:55 PM  
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