Monday, May 28, 2007


My old high school friend L married new adult friend M tonight at the City Bakery. It was a modest but beautiful reception, and to it I wore a teal silk dress, strappy heels, diamonds and perfume. I even brushed my hair (!) and carried a clutch purse (!!). Yes, I was quite the lady, but that facade crumbled after my third trip to the open bar. After two glasses of wine and one prosecco, I was what an old-fashioned person might call a Wiseacre. Or a Dr. Wisenheimer. Please note that the prefix "wise" connotes the opposite. I didn't do anything embarrassing or even say anything inappropriate, but had there been a Slip N' Slide or even a Super Soaker Master Blaster some crazy shit easily would have gone down. At least from my end. Wow, thinking about it now I wish there had been a Slip N' Slide or Super Soaker Master Blaster! That would have been pretty fun.

At one point I became the Drink Gopher for all my married friends and I quickly realized it was not because they were lazy; it's because the bartender was a total dish and they were trying to get me to flirt with him. They mean well, my married friends, but even their goodwill cannot compensate for my bad unwillingness. Besides, when it comes to parties like these, I'm not there to make time with the opposite sex; I'm there to go to MouthTown on the food. Which is what I did. Which might be an indicator that my priorities are a little out of whack. Anyway, it was light fare, the food was: Chicken Guacamole Wraps, Asparagus Toast Points, Grilled Shrimp with Lime Cream (I passed on that), Pulled Barbecue Chicken Sandwiches on Brioche Buns, Mini Lobster Rolls (passed on those, too), and Andouille Sausage Toast Points (triple passed). It's not like me to be finicky, but I am on a pork/shellfish hiatus, and even unlimited scrimps and free lobster could not pursuade me.

My discipline made for extra room in my tummy, which was filled lickity-split at the dessert bar: Chocolate Chip Cookies, Ice Cream Sundaes (I had mine with hot fudge, sugared walnuts, and fresh cherries in syrup), Sugar Cookies, and Lemon Tartlets. As I finished my sundae my old friend, A, and I caught up with each other. She had recently broken up with her boyfriend of 10 months and was feeling bad about it, but not so bad that she didn't drunkenly promise me that this was going to be "The best summer ever!" Anything is possible but if that's true then the opposite is also true: Anything is not possible. I'm thinking positively, though, and I was charmed by her offering of this golden nugget, overheard by her friend on the subway. The nugget is this:

A couple was having a raging fight on the D train in Brooklyn. The woman was screaming and cursing at her much larger boyfriend, and at a certain point began to physically wail on him. He took his licks for awhile -- publicly, even -- but then, according to A he finally defused the situation. And he did it with this declaration:

"You be you! I be me!"


"You be YOU! I be ME!"


I get that! I guess when you finally meet the person for whom that statement is both true and inoffensive, then you marry them. And then you make a party. And at the party you serve tiny sandwiches and sweet desserts, and, if you're very classy, a make-your-own-sundae bar. If you're extra-classy and know that I'm going to be there, you might even provide some high-pressure water guns. It's not traditional, I know, but neither am I. And I be me.


Blogger Keir said...

This is unrelated, but good.

8:14 AM  

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