YUMMY YUM YUM!

I have a weakness! I have many, actually, but I think my most adorable weakness is that if a purveyor of food has the words "yummy" or "yum" in its name, I am helpless to resist it. Case in point: Yummy House Chinese Food in the East Village. Now Yummy House's food isn't the MOST yummy of all Chinese foods but WHO CARES, RIGHT?! I am a loyal customer because when I read the word YUMMY I immediately start thinking, "Mmmmmm...YUMMY!" and then my stomach immediately starts going, "Mmmmm...GROWL!" and my mouth immediately is all, "Mmmmmm....SALIVA!"

This is how it works with me. I am a simple machine.

So last night I was working late as I am wont/FORCED to do. After 8pm Viacom throws its employees twenty bucks for a meal and, to me, that is A LOT OF MONEY FOR DINNER! But we can't just spend those monies anywhere; we're made to order from Delivery.com, so choices are somewhat limited. I won't say that working in a box with NO WINDOWS or SOUNDPROOFING whets the appetite but I won't say that it DOESN'T whet the appetite, either. So I'm scrolling through menu options, thinking about my Evening Crave, and I come across a Thai place called Yum Yum 3.

Wow. TWO Yums in its name?! THAT SOUNDS DOUBLY PROMISING!

Now I'm savvy enough to know that Yum means something different in Thai than it does in English. Hell, Yum means something different in Megan than it does in English. What's interesting, though (and there is an interesting point here, I promise), is that even in Thai, Yum kind of resists definition. Taken most literally, Yum means "to mix by hand," and often connotes salad dishes. But, and I did a little research, folks, Yum also describes a unique balancing of four flavors: spicy, sweet, salty, and sour. Now I'm starting to rationally understand why Thai food is so delicious to me; it's this Yum-infused balancing act.

So getting back to Yum Yum 3. You understand now why I, having no knowledge of this restaurant, immediately trusted that it would be inherently delicious. Time two. I ordered up some good stuff with great haste. I started with Yum Duck, a salad with crispy duck (the salty) pineapple (the sweet), cilantro, lime juice (the sour), chili (the spicy), tomatoes, cashews, and a little bit of lettuce. I was given the option of Mild, Spicy, or Extra Spicy, so I went with Spicy, thinking it would be tolerable. I mean, I LOVE spicy food, and can generally take a little heat. Even a lot of heat. I am one tough little bitch! But this salad? Can I say? It DESTROYED me. Yum Yum 3 put my Westernized palate in its place with its "Spicy" rendition of Yum Duck. I simultaneously ADORED this salad and was also BRUTALLY PUNISHED by it. In fact, I physically experienced Yum: I began to sweat (the spicy), my mouth watered (the sweet), my nose ran (the salty), and I started to pant (the sour). GOOD JOB YUM YUM 3! You did it, guys!

I couldn't even finish my second dish: Basil Noodle with Chicken. This dish, comprised of wide flat rice noodles stir-fried with broccoli, onions, red peppers, holy basil, and chili, SMELLED delicious. But I experienced such physical trauma over the Yum Duck that I had to postpone my noodles until today's lunch. I said it before and I'll say it again: GOOD JOB YUM YUM 3! I asked for it spicy and YOU MORE THAN HONORED MY REQUEST! Once again, at my desk, in front of my computer, I basically looked like the victim of some sort of chemical attack. I was literally shouting "OoohGaaah! OooohGaaah!" and waving my hand in front of my mouth. Yes, if you can picture a red-faced, sweating lady with spaz hands spazzing out all over her face because of some spicy Thai noodles you will have an accurate representation of what I looked like five hours ago. Oh, and I was able to finish the entire portion, but no, I'm not sure yet what the repercussions will be or if there will be any but what I'm saying is I uh, yeah, I don't know how this is going to, uh, you know, go down. Like, Go Down.

But I do know it was delicious! And painful! And YUMMY!