Monday, April 10, 2006

CERTAIN THINGS YOU OUGHT TO KNOW

Right now it's my favorite song, though I fully realize it could be a mantra for the deeply resigned. It's bleak, but beautiful.

Now I'm not ordinarily a bleak person, but let's face it: my natural optimism has lately been replaced with a mood that I'm not used to, one that I've avoided for about 18 years:

I'm sad.

It's hard to write about food, let alone eat it, when you're sad. At least when I am sad it's practically impossible!
But as this is a food blog I MUST write just as I MUST eat, right?! It's what I do. It has become me, even if it isn't becoming to me.

So here is some writing about food:

I bought something at Whole Foods tonight that is giving me just the vaguest sense of shame. I already have a very specific guilt-feeling that I went to Whole Foods in the first place, when Trader Joe's, love of my life, was a mere two blocks away. I am a Trader Joe's Girl in a Whole Foods World. I don't know what that means!

In any case it was close to closing time for both supermarkets, so I naturally just picked the closer of the two. As I love supermarkets I took the 20 minutes I had and perused all the aisles. I went to the cheese counter and touched the cheese and then realized that I was "The Weird Girl" at Whole Foods touching cheese. I went to the yogurt section and almost started crying when I discovered that LITERALLY ALL OF THE LIBERTE GREAT GRAINS YOGURTS were sold out. It is my FAVORITE yogurt! And it's INEXPENSIVE. And they had NO MORE FOR ME! But being on the verge of tears was good, because it helped me to acknowledge and accept that I WAS "The Weird Girl" at Whole Foods; now I could embrace it. I fondled giant grapefruits for a good three minutes, even though I already knew exactly which two I had picked out to buy. It just felt good to handle fruit. This probably means I'm a pervert but so what? SO IS EVERYBODY! At least those grapefruits aren't going to grow up and pay $150/hour to have bad flashbacks. I know they aren't because I'm going to eat them.

Okay, clearly I was off my rocker tonight. Fine. So I made a somewhat embarassing purchase in the hopes of feeling more rational and un-sad. You will think it's nothing, but I feel it's worth this ridiculous amount of build-up:

I bought a Yogi tea. It's called Kava Stress Relief: Natural Anxiety Relief. On the box it promises to put me in a state of "relaxed unconcern" and, honestly, I am 100% on board for that feeling. I desperately want to be relaxed and unconcerned! Hey, a decent night's sleep would be AMAZING right now! So what's the Big Whoop? Well, I'm pretty sure this counts as one of those "self-medicating" things people do, and it makes me feel weak to need to do it, but I really need to do it! I know, I know, it's NO BIG DEAL! But as someone who doesn't drink, drug, or eat her problems away, that I consciously sought a medicinal herb to fix a feeling made me feel, as I said, vaguely ashamed. Which is RETARDED. I KNOW!

But I don't have to worry about feeling stupid for admitting this, because the kettle's on. The kettle is on and I'm on my way to steeping my worries away.

There Are Certain Things I Ought To Know but I don't need to Know Them Right Now.

4 Comments:

Blogger garin said...

HEY MEGAN,CHEER UP!!!!!!!!
WE ALL GO THROUGH RUTS, I'VE BEEN IN AN M.R.E. RUT FOR A GOOD LONG TIME,THEN FINALLY IT HAPPENED!!BEEF STEW!! THE GOD'S HAVED SMILED ON ME TODAY!! SEE THINGS PEP UP!!! KEEP YOUR HEAD UP !!!
(SORRY ABOUT THE CAPS LOCKED,155 DUDES USING ONE COMPUTER, I LIKE WHERE THIS IS HEADING!!)

9:34 AM  
Blogger Lockheed Hayheehoo Macedon said...

I wrote my recent blog on Burger King going public... mentions some classic foods...

www.tradinganddrugs.blogspot.com

1:44 PM  
Anonymous eliza said...

I hope you're feeling better now, but more importantly YOU ARE TOTALLY RIGHT GREAT GRAINS IS THE BEST YOGURT EVER! Soooo good, right?? The first time i tried one I was like "Yick! There are bugs in here!" and then I was all "Yum! These bugs taste great! Like barley!"

3:26 PM  
Anonymous kate said...

I love yogi tea!!!

I thought of you last night b/c I saw an old UCB person who is preggers and I awkwardly told her it made my womb cry. Which it did. Babies!

3:33 PM  

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