Wednesday, April 26, 2006

GO FUCK YOURSELF, SLEEPYTIME!

One of my Old Reliables let me down last night! When I need a good night's sleep but know that I'm too wound up to make it happen on my own, I turn to Chamomile Tea. Chamomile really is one of Nature's great soporifics, and steeping its dried leaves has always worked for me. Literally three sips into the stuff and I start to get The Sleepy Feeling. How I love The Sleepy Feeling when I'm laying in my bed, a long day behind me!

So last night I opened a brand new box of Chamomile Tea, put the kettle on, nibbled some Trader Joe's ginger snaps, and made what I thought was going to be my standard panacea to my jittery jitters.

Except the damn tea DIDN'T WORK!

I steeped it, I sipped it, I tried to stop my mind from racing. I read a little but was too distracted. I kept sipping. My eyelids didn't get at all heavy; I just lay on my back blinking at the ceiling. "Come on, Chamomile," I thought, urging it to work its relaxing magic. "Come ON! You can do it! JUST DO IT YOU SONOVABITCH TEA! MAKE ME UNCONCIOUS!"

Alas, my pleas were ignored. And I lay awake for about two more hours, tossing against my useless pillows, kicking my legs out like a baby horse being born. Except much cuter. I was helpless to my own frustration and actually pouted in the darkness. I think I even whispered "Harumph," and crossed my arms against my chest. "Stupid tea," I muttered, my last thought before finally, yes, finally, falling asleep.

6 Comments:

Blogger Sarah said...

Hilarious! Us herbal tea junkies are going to loose patience some day with all the alleged promises on the side of those tea boxes and resort to hard drugs.

11:28 AM  
Blogger crabbydad said...

Yeah, I broke up with my fickle tea mistress years ago and have a new, surefire sleepytime friend. Take two bleu-cheese-stuffed olives and steep them in a cold solution of Bombay Sapphire and just a splash of vermouth. I know it sounds crazy, but it seems to knock me right out every time.

2:27 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

that bedtime formula sounds delightful, but only if you swap the sapphire for some belvedere or ketel one. gin doesn't make me sleep; it makes me go ooowat-ooowat-blaargh! into my own hands.

2:44 PM  
Blogger crabbydad said...

Nothing wrong with that. Some of my deepest slumbers have involved waking up under a blanket of my own hurl.

6:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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9:31 PM  
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