GO FUCK YOURSELF, SLEEPYTIME!

One of my Old Reliables let me down last night! When I need a good night's sleep but know that I'm too wound up to make it happen on my own, I turn to Chamomile Tea. Chamomile really is one of Nature's great soporifics, and steeping its dried leaves has always worked for me. Literally three sips into the stuff and I start to get The Sleepy Feeling. How I love The Sleepy Feeling when I'm laying in my bed, a long day behind me!

So last night I opened a brand new box of Chamomile Tea, put the kettle on, nibbled some Trader Joe's ginger snaps, and made what I thought was going to be my standard panacea to my jittery jitters.

Except the damn tea DIDN'T WORK!

I steeped it, I sipped it, I tried to stop my mind from racing. I read a little but was too distracted. I kept sipping. My eyelids didn't get at all heavy; I just lay on my back blinking at the ceiling. "Come on, Chamomile," I thought, urging it to work its relaxing magic. "Come ON! You can do it! JUST DO IT YOU SONOVABITCH TEA! MAKE ME UNCONCIOUS!"

Alas, my pleas were ignored. And I lay awake for about two more hours, tossing against my useless pillows, kicking my legs out like a baby horse being born. Except much cuter. I was helpless to my own frustration and actually pouted in the darkness. I think I even whispered "Harumph," and crossed my arms against my chest. "Stupid tea," I muttered, my last thought before finally, yes, finally, falling asleep.