Wednesday, May 10, 2006

DISCIPLINE

It seems like I eat anything I want, without limits or guilt, doesn't it? Well, I don't. Not even close!

Now I would like to tell you about some foods that I think are delicious BUT AVOID EATING!

Macaroni and Cheese
Fried Chicken
Fish N' Chips
Jalapeno Poppers
Tiramisu
Nachos With The Works
Pepperoni Pizza
Egg Rolls
Black And White Milk Shake
Coffee Milk Shake
Chocolate Milk Shake
Pain Au Chocolat
Croissants
Crab Rangoon
Grilled Cheese Sandwich
Chili Dogs
Big Mac
Sausage And Peppers Hero
Philly Cheese Steak
Onion Rings
Creme Brulee
Spaghetti Carbonara
Fettucini Alfredo
Lasagna
Duck Confit
Country Pate
Foie Gras
French Toast

Why do I avoid these foods? A couple of reasons. First, they offer little to zero nutritional value; it'd be like eating dust, but dust that makes you fat and gives you arteriosclerosis. And there's the second reason: they are divine on the palate, but atrocious on the body. As someone who has VERY LITTLE discipline when it comes to the things I like, I find that to be AT ALL disciplined, some foods are an all-or-nothing proposition.

If I start making concessions to mac n' cheese, I will fall in love with it and want it all the time. Slippery slope and all that hooey. But it's true! Now, I allow myself french fries because they truly make me happy, but let me tell you: I eat A LOT OF french fries! If french fries are around me, I am eating them, even if I did not order them. I'm kind of a french fry bandit. I have a self-declared French Fry Problem. AND I DON'T NEED ANY MORE PROBLEMS! Imagine what I'd look like/feel like if I were to start making excuses for Lasagna (Garfield, I totally empathize with you, dude, and you're a CAT, and I HATE cats)?

I'd have a heart attack/fat attack in three months.

And I don't want that. But I DO want pleasure! Why does fatty-fried-food have to be so TASTY?! Curse you DELICIOUSNESS! You will be the RUIN of me!

But I have it all planned out: When I am 90 years old, I will eat all of these foods every day. Oh! And I will also do a lot of ecstasy.

4 Comments:

Blogger Glennis said...

What if you eat that fried vegetable stuff they serve at Japanese restaurants? The name is escaping me, but I know it has one. That way you'd get veggies and fried. Hooray!

3:47 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

oh! do you mean tempura? it is DELICIOUS! i eat this food, but not often.

5:58 PM  
Blogger spo said...

We are eating a Blooming Onion on Saturday Night.
Fuck your discipline. Fuck it in the mouth!

10:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i appreciate you admitting to your food issues. i don't know you, and i enjoy your blog (enough to go out the other night for a hamburger for the first time in 4 months, because i can't stop thinking about them after reading). anyway, you look pretty svelte in your picture. and it can get annoying when skinny people talk about food all the time (i.e. "will and grace".. you know debra messing doesn't eat.. why do they have to give her character a voracious appetite?)
so my point is.. thank you. we all have food issues.

4:25 PM  

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