Thursday, May 11, 2006



Have you ever been asked to leave a restaurant? Maybe because you were still there at closing time (though you'd entered and ordered before said time), and maybe because the workers were tired and wanted to go home? And told you and your party that you were "holding them up, and we're basically just waiting for you to leave so can you now, please, leave?"

Have you ever had this happen at the MORE THAN DECENT hour of 11pm? On a Wednesday night? In NEW YORK CITY?!

This happened to me last night at a shitty place I like to call Republic, in Union Square. Any super-cool international jetsetter knows that Republic is a blatant knock-off of London's Wagamama, a reasonable pan-asian noodle house with communal seating and toute-suite computerized ordering system. But Republic forgot to go ALL THE WAY with their copycat act, because they forgot to import Wagamama's relaxed, chilled-out "please, we can think of no greater HONOR than to have you finish your glass of Cab-Sav" environment.

Confidential to Republic and its employees: you were supremely ungracious last night! I will even go so far as to say that I now consider you a douchebag of a destination! Like, TAKE A CHILL PILL! It was 11pm! And I wasn't done with my wine! Which cost me SIX DOLLARS A GLASS! DO YOU THINK I'M MADE OF MONEY?! Well, I could see why you might think that but I AM NOT MADE OF MONEY! So, please, LET ME SIP ON MY DULCET SOCIAL CRUTCH! Wine is not for POUNDING! So: DON'T RUSH ME, JERKS!

Otherwise: get out of Union Square, get out of New York City, and serve your stingy bowls of noodles over in Kindergarten Village, where bedtime and mealtime occur at 6pm. Hey, that's just a free tip from me to you. I offer it because I have something you lack: CLASS!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Come on...lingering over a single glass of wine at 11pm when the rest of the place has cleared out and the employees could otherwise finish up and go home?!?! Sounds to me like the folks at Republic were entirely reasonable.

3:46 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

hey: i'm not indifferent to people wanting to go home, but the restaurant should be more lenient if they're willing to serve food and drink within a half-hour of closing time. otherwise, say the kitchen's closed and i'll go somewhere else.

4:28 PM  
Anonymous tommy said...

totes. It's like getting bullshit at a puppy for peeing on your carpet. It's a puppy, dude -- what did you think was going to happen. Maybe Republic is used to serving up Wine Pounders. Classy.

1:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How I used to clear the house at a shitty place I liked to call "The Shithouse" but the bosses liked to call John's.
1)Drop the check
2)Send all the waiters down to change into street clothes
3)Check to see if the table has money out
4)Blow out all the candles
5)Check to see if they have money out again
6)Begin dog barking contest from behind the bar
7)Stack chairs and tables
8)Mix in an occasional meow
9)Send over a waiter in street clothes to check the money
10)A loud "FUCK" from the kitchen
11)Shut off Mob Hits CD
12)Put on a Wu-Tang CD
13)Bring up the house lights
14)Throw some wine bottle corks in the light fixtures (didn't clear the house any quicker but the boss forced his wife to get on a chair to take them out)
15)Walk over with the keys and then and only then say "We're going to be locking up in a few minutes."

11:05 AM  
Blogger AnnieKNodes said...

Hi. Found your blog via SPO.

Asking a customer to leave after a HALF HOUR? Not reasonable. Especially for a place that's trying to cultivate a hip vibe.

Republic is lame. I think all of the restaurants lining the NW corner of Union Square blow. Except McDonalds.

4:16 PM  
Blogger Brianna Jacobson said...

Booo Republic. My friends and I totally got the Julia Roberts (a la pretty woman)treatment there when they stuck all EIGHT of us at a booth that was meant for four people and located right in front of the door. The service wasn't so good either. Boooo.

12:58 PM  
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