Saturday, May 20, 2006


I'm gonna be honest with you: I "overdid it" last night. I feel like I've been overdoing it for the past year, but I'm not gonna get into that here. I'll just talk specifically about last night. It started with my meeting an ex-boyfriend for a couple of free wine tastings. We are becoming friends, I think, and the easiest way to navigate our friendship is through old activities that we used to enjoy. Namely, drinking. I was very restrained during these tastings -- maybe because most were of white wine, and I generally prefer red, but I didn't finish a single glass, as if I were a person who doesn't NEED freebies and therefore doesn't NEED to finish them. I was silky smooth as I poured my unfinished tastes into the little silver latrines, a gesture that announced, "I'm not here to get drunk for free!" This made me feel classy.

But that feeling was short-lived, because after the tastings, we went to The Hat, a neighborhood Mexican restaurant that attracts poor local hipsters and their poor friends who spend minimal amounts of money on margaritas and platters of mediocre food. The ex suggested we get a margarita pitcher as it's Bargain Central, and I went along with it. The margaritas were frozen, and didn't taste like they had any alcohol in them, which is ALWAYS A BAD SIGN. Especially IF YOU'RE A GIRL, WHICH I AM. I was trying to be responsible, so I kept eating from the free baskets of tortilla chips, dipping them in spicy salsa and a weirdly creamy bowl of guacamole that I regret ordering. And then the buzz was on, I told my ex he looked just as he had on the day we had our first meal together, nearly five years ago, in Brooklyn, at a restaurant that no longer exists. And he said, "We've aged nicely," and I thought to myself, "maybe so."

I am always me, buzzed or sober, so you know what's coming: I became STARVING, and was unable to think of anything other than getting food into my cranky belly. So we went to Tuck Shop, a tiny Australian eatery. I've never been, and never wanted to, but it was cheap and right there and I will say that the curry veggie roll I ordered, though not nearly hot enough, was yummy. Very peppery. Ex got a sausage roll, and everybody knows that nothing is more delicious than sausage. So I made him buy another one, and ate half of it. At this point I had two giant baskets' worth of tortilla chips, half a liter of salsa, about a cup of guacamole, a veggie curry roll, half a sausage roll, and half a pitcher of margarita churning inside me. And it was time for me to leave the ex and go to a work party, and it was time for the ex to leave me and meet up with a pretty girl. So we went our separate ways, as exes, as friends.

At the work party I mixed tequila and grapefruit juice and drank it. Then I ate some M&M's, a Whole Foods Brownie Bite, a chocolate cookie, and a mini stroopwaffel. Then I made another tequila and grapefruit juice and drank HALF of it. Then I was no longer interested in being at the party. I was only interested in being in my bed. But that would have to wait, because I had dragged my friend to the work party and he was antsy to walk to another bar in the neighborhood. I complied, all the while giving him expert, albeit drunken, love advice. DIGRESSION: I think I have turned into a Wing-Man.

I spent about 15 minutes at the bar talking with a DIFFERENT ex-boyfriend who I am also friends with, and then I really very badly wanted to become safely unconscious in my bed. And this feat was achieved! I even managed to get my teeth brushed and my pajamas on! Things were looking good! And BOOM! I was asleep.

Until I woke up, my mouth coated with that mucousy "you're gonna vomit" lube, and my bad belly churning. I was SO TIRED that I couldn't imagine having to run to the bathroom to retch. I really didn't want to! I HATE puking so much! It's one of those things that real adults can handle but, for me, I kind of really need my mommy there. I so rarely puke, but when I is...not cute. Miraculously, though I lay on my side delicately retching, I was not to puke that night. For the Universe was kind, and as I quietly heaved, the nausea slowly dissipated, and I fell back asleep. And BOOM! when I woke up this morning, there was no puke on my person, on my bed, or on my floor!

I didn't overdo it. I just DID IT! I'M MEGAN!


Blogger Helen said...

Megan- I almost went to The Hat last night!! A chance meeting at a restaurant AGAIN- THAT would have been super weird!

2:32 PM  

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