Thursday, June 22, 2006


I like to eat with chopsticks. Since learning how to use them at a fairly young age, I have always preferred them to forks and knives as a means of getting food into my piehole. Chopsticks are kind of sexy, too. Sexier than a fork, at least. And chopsticks slow you down; you can't eat too fast when you're only able to pick up smaller morsels of food. And I'll be honest: I'm kind of a fast eater, so any cutlery that helps slow me down is appreciated. But, and there is a but, chopsticks can be frustrating, especially if you don't know how to use them or are really very hungry and want to put food in your mouth at a rapid rate.

Which is why I think chopsticks are the "text messaging" of cutlery.

This week marks a year that I have been texting on my cell phone. And I'm not sure if I love it or hate it. I appreciate texting because I really don't like talking on the phone. If I can't see someone's facial expressions, and someone can't see mine, I have a hard time communicating. I feel vulnerable or detached or distracted or bored or nervous. I just don't give good phone. Which is why, in some ways, texting is perfect. It, like chopsticks, slows me down. I can't just spew out words; I have to think about what I'm going to text. Which is good for me, because I very often talk faster than I think, and that gets me into embarrassing trouble and/or makes me wish I'd said less. I talk like a binge eater eats. After it's over, I'm ashamed and wished that I'd exercised some self-control. But not so with texting! And as I am a very slow, horrible texter, I REALLY have to slow down and think. Also, like chopsticks, texting is kind of sexy. There's a surge that happens, literally and metaphorically, when my phone buzzes with a new text message. It's exciting!

But it's also frustrating. Last night I had a conversation, in texts, for over an hour, with someone who I converse with in text form all the time. In fact, we avoid outright calling each other to have conversations: it's ALL TEXT. And as I was texting this conversation, I wondered why was I not just talking it? Is it because talk feels like it's really happening, and texting feels like you're not really there? Is it because, with texting, there's no voice to betray a feeling? Or is it because I'm scared of over-talking, of biting off more than I, or the person on the other end, can chew? Maybe. Ultimately, I ended the conversation with an actual phone call; I got so frustrated with my slow texting and finally felt like, "why don't I just SAY it?!"

And you know what? I regretted the phone call immediately! It felt so different from the texting! I heard my voice, and I heard it saying words, and the words came out faster than my brain could manage them, and...yeah, it was kind of like eating with a shovel: sloppy.

But I am a little sloppy. It's good that there are tools to slow me down. Chopsticks, so I don't get food in my hair or all over my face. And texting, so I don't get foot in my mouth.


Blogger jim said...

You are too much, 'don't give good phone.', 'phone buzzing' excites you, You are beyond belief, you are really something. lol.

Outrageous! To say the least.

How bloody long can you keep this level going? You must be 'super-human'.

That's alright though, the whole world is yours, eat it all. bon apetite. Use chopsticks, enjoy it.

I'll come back next week and see how much progress you've made.

9:49 PM  
Blogger garin said...

Jim, you don't have to respond to every blog Megan does..Maurice J. Camel and myself have it written into our contracts that we only have to make smug,stupid remarks once every 7 blogs!!! you must have had the "suck up to the host and make corndog cheesey compliments"clause put in your's!!!because you just made Maurice blush!!

4:39 PM  
Blogger jim said...

What is this, 'every blog' she does, Who knows from that?

So, you're the Thot Police, the Blog Patrol, The Corn Dog of the FBI? Well, C I A your apetite where ever you will, I will do the same. Shame. Back Off!

PS: What's a Maurice?

4:58 AM  
Blogger jim said...

Wait a minute, what do you mean, 'just', like in 'feet'?

Ha, lol, 2 weird interesting ones? connected? no?

7:21 AM  
Blogger jim said...

Well, I just looked, Iraq, possible connection, soldier stuff, my son just back from their, okay, sarge, have at it, whoever is writing it is damn good, hate to lose a good read, very creative.

The other one, seems different, no there not connected, it is interesting also, you got a computer, email me kid, tell me, I don't mean to in your area, MS could be an army thing, huh? Hadn't thought that way about the writing, it don't show it, location is missing there though, nothing specific,
drop me a line if so,

if not, no reason, i might have more to say different.

7:33 AM  
Blogger jim said...

BLOG OWNER, I have considered that this GI and you must have a connection, so I apologize for my interference, You, whoever is writing, you have an exceptional 'turn of phrase' and 'way with words', very high level in my book, and this has absolutely NOTHING to do with sexual innuendo, it is incredible that you raise that up as high as you do. Thanks for the time, I enjoyed reading you. Jim.

4:48 PM  
Anonymous said...

You need a lot of patience if you are practicing how to use chopsticks. You may be tempted to spear food with your chopsticks as an act of desperation, but spearing is considered impolite.

1:11 AM  

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