Tuesday, October 17, 2006


I am eating Emmi Swiss Premium Yogurt with a fork. What's the point of cutlery if you use it incorrectly?* I'm trying to make it work but I can't get every last bit of yogurt (probably because I'm not using a spoon) and I think I feel like a frustrated ape might. I probably feel more frustrated than an ape might, because an ape probably would have used his big ape hands by now, and I am trying--oh sweet god in heaven I am trying--to be a lady. Do ladies make presumptions about apes? Do they eat yogurt with a fork? This is a situation...

Confession: it's not just about the fork and yogurt not belonging together. It's also about the FLAVOR of yogurt I picked: GRAPEFRUIT. Everyone knows that dairy and citrus don't go together. I know Creamsicles are the lone exception, but in general, when will the one not curdle the other? But right now I'll vouch against those preconceived notions. This yogurt: it's delicious! I can't believe that something so wrong in concept tastes so right in execution. I'm impressed. I'm delighted. This is not a situation... I'm gonna make like an ape and use my hands. Being a lady? Overrated.

*This question from a girl who, when she was five years old, ate her brother's bar-mitzvah cake with a knife because she couldn't find a fork. Necessity may be the mother of invention, but deficiency is the father.