Wednesday, December 06, 2006


I am eating "stage puke" again, TONIGHT!

What is the recipe for "stage puke"?

Ask me in person. TONIGHT!

Tuesday, December 05, 2006


Work's been slow lately so rather than sit at my desk I chose the in vitro lunch method today and dined in at my usual Japanese take-out joint.

It wasn't a mistake, but it wasn't not a mistake.

The service was good. And the food was fine. But the music? Pretty much unsane. It was porno music, but more than that it was like, World Porno Music. At first I thought it was just some strange Japanese music so I kept an open mind, but then I realized what I was hearing was a dead ringer for a Skinemax soundtrack. Let me not be the first to say that when you're a lady, which I am, it is unnerving to eat raw fish and involuntarily think of sex. And not just any sex, but cheesy, Casio-keyboard-drumbeat sex. Think: The Poor Man's Enigma. EXTREMELY poor! And from ASIA!

At one point there was breathy singing, and the singing was in English. Here is what the lyrics were, as far as I could decipher: "I like the way you treat me/Treat me/The way you treat me/I like the way you treat me/You me/Treat me/Me me/The way you/Treat me/Treat me."

Now imagine drums and pan flute and synthesized soundscapes. You just shit yourself and immediately lost your mind, right?! That's what happened to me. It was total UNSANITY!

Let's just say I didn't linger over my salmon teriyaki and sushi combination bento. I don't think I like it raw so much, after all.

Monday, December 04, 2006


I like things "a certain way" and, owing to a degree of snobbery and (not entirely) baseless pride, I think my "certain way"--my taste--is very good indeed.

I say this as a way to justify yesterday's petty theft, over which I'm still feeling some small guilt. I went grocery shopping with my brother; he was paying (they were his groceries, I was just on tag-a-long duty) so of course we were shopping at Gourmet Garage, which isn't as inexpensive as it should be, but at least it's not as offensive as Dean and Deluca.

Digression: the day I am able to casually buy groceries at Dean and Deluca is the day that I will have Made It. On that day I will probably also turn into a puckered, red hole, because only a Real Asshole would spend that kind of money on groceries. Nevermind how pretty the store is. I mean, really, where do Dean and Deluca get off?!

Anyway, as we shopped for "mid-priced" gourmet food, I decided I wanted a cup of gourmet coffee. I wasn't really craving it, but sometimes we (I) give ourselves (myself) small rewards for having done absolutely nothing (walking errands with older sibling), and sometimes those small rewards are a way of taking care of ourselves (overpaying for brewed, beany beverages = "Thank God I'm not homeless this $3 means so little to me."). Gourmet Garage has a "pour-your-own" policy, so I followed it. And then I headed to the register to pay for the coffee, sipping along the way.

It was Not Good. Not Terrible, but just not...Delicious. And because this was supposed to be a kind of indulgence, the idea of paying for its failure made me wince. That is not my best face!

I mean, I feel like I know what good coffee tastes like, and I feel like it should always taste Delicious. Even when it's being sold out of a Garage! So: I went back to the coffee "area" and dumped my 3/4 full cup. I'm sure it wasn't a big deal, but I did waste their coffee. And I'm pretty sure if I weren't such a bitch about the bean, I would have been fine drinking it. But I AM a bitch about the bean! A great cup of coffee is Such A Pleasure; a lousy cup is Unacceptable.

Don't tell me to "smile more". I Take It Easy with so many things! It's just, I know What's Good! I know What's Really Good! Therefore: I will always want it. And, while it might be rare, I will always enjoy it when I get it.

Entitled? Arrogant? Red-n-Puckered? Oh, I can't help it!